Emotional BS is a psychological stealth disease that is increasingly eroding our relationships. Emotional BS describes the three common dynamics that all of us use at some time or another: Denial, Delusion and Blame — the Toxic Trio.
When used together, they form a toxic disease that distorts reality, destroys trust — and ruins relationships. First, Denial ignores or denies an essential fact. When a factual reality (even a minor one) is no longer acknowledged, Delusion takes over and creates a delusional alternate reality. Like all things delusional, it eventually falls apart. That's when Blame steps in to shift the responsibility to someone or something else.
Taking a few minutes to answer the following 13 questions will give you a quick, but accurate, idea of how much Emotional BS has crept into your life. This knowledge can save your relationship, your career, or even your life!
Click on the PDF icon below, to download and print the EBSQ for yourself — and to share!
Answer each question with • YES • MAYBE/SOMETIMES • NO
I have a significant issue in my life that I consistently ignore, hoping that it will go away on its own. (I deny a problem exists.)
Examples: a personal health problem such as weight gain / alcohol or medication use / sexual behavior / overspending / productivity at work / building bonds with my children, etc.
I will push ahead with a plan, idea or behavior, ignoring the advice from others that I'm on the wrong course, or dismissing obvious signs that I'm headed for trouble.
I have a part of my life I keep secret, that if my spouse or friends learned about would be embarrassing — or worse. (I ignore or distort reality so I can continue a destructive behavior.)
Examples: secret addiction / spending money, shopping or gambling / sexual involvements.
I quickly raise my voice when I get into an argument with a spouse, partner or my children, which escalates into a worse argument, and creates distance between us.
I say yes to something when I don't really want to — or know if I can actually do it. (I deny my need to realistically set limits, and therefore take care of myself.)
Examples: taking on a task over my head / going somewhere with my partner I don't want to go / accepting another drink / agreeing to have sex / going along with another's decision / etc.
I find myself overcome by emotions such as anxiety, anger, resentment, stubbornness, fear, desire, etc. (I deny my need to learn how to control my feelings.)
I change my story about something I did or did not do in order to make myself look better. (I create a delusional reality in which I'm always innocent.)
Examples: saying I paid less for an item / or I made a phone call when I didn't.
At the first sign of possible conflict, I immediately find some way to avoid a confrontation. I usually shut down completely, or withdraw.
I'm unable to control certain behaviors in my relationships (or life) and keep repeating them.
Examples: getting involved with the same kind of person over and over / spending too much.
I find myself thinking about unusual or "magical" solutions to my personal problems that would immediately change my life for the better.
Examples: a financial windfall such as winning the lottery / my spouse or partner finally changes his/her attitude or lifestyle / major political or spiritual changes.
I quickly find someone else to blame whenever I'm accused of doing something wrong.
Example: refusing to give up my position of being right.
The possibility of being seen as doing something less than perfectly fills me with strong anxiety or nervousness.
Examples: doing something over and over to make sure it's perfect / obsessing about what someone might think about my mistake / comparing myself to others
When something doesn't go right for me, I feel depressed and believe that it's happening because there's something basically wrong with me.
Examples: blaming myself for an ordinary problem / believing that things will never get better because I don't deserve happiness.
SCORING: • Each YES: 10 Points • Each MAYBE/SOMETIMES: 5 Points • Each NO: 0 Points
Score of 15 Points: You need to be more aware of how Denial, Delusion and Blame are creating more Emotional BS in your life — and take conscientious steps to focus more directly on fulfilling your Core Needs.
Score of 30 Points: You are in serious danger of losing control of your life and your goals. Your understanding of reality — and probably ethics — is compromised. You must immediately begin a rigorous focus on fulfilling your Core Needs (Part Three of the book: Emotional Bullshit and How to Stop It)
Score of 40 or Above Points: Your life and relationships are currently in serious danger. You are holding things together only by creating an intense delusional reality. You must make immediate steps to take care of your Core Needs before problems get worse.
The resources and specific exercises for making these changes are described in detail in the book, Emotional Bullshit.
EBS QUOTIENT 
